


Leave (you're not Alex)

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Asshole robot, Bottom Thomas Jefferson, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, Robot Feels, Suicide, Top Alexander Hamilton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 12:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14977004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Alexander commits suicide and Thomas makes what is possibly the worst decision of his life --he reincarnates Alex into a robot.Inspired in part by exadorlion's Flesh AU and writers of that one fic about it





	Leave (you're not Alex)

“Master?”

The robot spurred to life, his voice less mechanic than most. Thomas swallowed harshly. He looked like Alexander, but he also didn't. After all, it was Alexander, just in a mechanical body.

“Oof.” The robot― no, Alexander― ran their hands up their torso, and then across their chest, and the finally touched their face.

“Um...oh my gosh, Thomas, it's working! It worked! I can't feel things physically, but I can still sense them―”

He reached his hand out, gently and carefully caressing Thomas’s cheek. Thomas flinched, and Alexander pulled back.

“Babe? Are you okay? I'm sorry―”

Thomas turned away. “It's fine. I― your hands are cold, that's all.”

“There's a… here, there's a setting for this,” Alexander said, slowly dragging his hands across his body. He found a switch on the control panel of his forearm and flicked it.

“See? Warmth.”

“Alex, you're not yourself.”

The robot-Alexander looked up with wide eyes. “Why, ma― Thomas?”

“You're not Alex,” Thomas said, squinting his eyes. “You called me master twice. You're not Alexander.”

“But, Tommy, you see, I can be Alexander. What I don't know you can teach me, I'm here just for you. Do anything you want with me. I am Alexander!”

“No. You're not.”

“You know what, I'm  _ better than _ Alexander! See, I'm always here for you, and I love you, and I  _ want _ you. I'm like your Alexander 2.0.”

Thomas turned back to the robot, a fire in his dark, deprived eyes. “Are you saying Alexander didn't love me, wasn't there for me, wasn't good enough, wasn't  _ mine _ ? He was everything you'll never be.”

“If he is all these things, why did he choose to kill himself?” Not-Alexander asked cooly.

His voice, his tone, everything was the same and yet it wasn't.

“I- he I don't know. But he wasn't insensitive. He loved me, I-I loved him.”

The robot walked up to Thomas and grabbed his wrist, pulling up his sleeve to reveal bandages, with blood dried on some of them. “Except he was insensitive. Or you wouldn't have done this.”

“B-but you're wrong. He consoled me, he helped me and apologized. What he did wrong is in the past.”

“And so is he,” the robot whispered. “So will you stay with me, or keep remembering, sulking in the has been and living in the past? The 'good old days’ are mixed with bad days too, reliving them won't help anything.”

Thomas shrugged, fighting back tears, and Alexander grinned, going on his tiptoes and kissing Thomas’s lip lightly. “Come on, master,” he breathed in Thomas’s ear. “Teach me how to be Alexander.”

“A-Alexander always was dominant, he won't take instructions from anyone.”

“And he still won't,” the doppelganger laughed softly, nipping Thomas's ear and then the curve of his jaw. “I just need some help. Soon I'll be everything Alexander was and more.”

Thomas shoved the robot away. “You mean  _ is _ . Alexander is, and not because of you-- you're just metal and working parts. I can stop you from functioning whenever. Alexander ― he’s in here,” Thomas said, putting a fist over his heart.

“Don't you understand? Humans are still more volatile than robots, because robots are not controlled by emotions. That makes us superior. See, I may be an asshole, but so was Alex.”

“But Alexander was  _ mine _ . You― you're an inanimate stranger. You're not even human. You're electricity.”

“Thomas, just don't look past the skin. I am Alexander. I'm yours, I'm here for you.”

 

―

 

Thomas remembers.

 

_ Alexander exhaled, pushing his spinning chair away from the desk and bumping into Thomas's long legs. _

_ “Done. We've got the prototype ready, we can do this together. It's like we're parents, babe!” Alexander whisper-shouted. _

_ Thomas laughed. “Yeah. Except― the result won't exactly be human.” _

_ “Still, to be parents we should probably elope, right?” Alexander teased, and Thomas let the shorter scientist pull him into the hallway, then to his room. _

_ “Positive,” Thomas said, advancing on him. Alexander giggled. _

_ “Well, y’know, it's cute you like to think you're dominant.” He was underneath Thomas, but not exactly the bottom. _

_ Breathing into Alexander's ear, Thomas whispered, “you know, I'm always here for you.” _

_ “I know, babe.” _

 

―

 

“I know,” Thomas whispered.

The robot grinned. “I told you.”

“I wasn't talking to you,” Thomas growled, looking up. “You're not Alexander and you never will be. His emotions didn't make him inferior, his struggles and flaws didn't define him but still contributed to who he is. Thus, you cannot be him.”

“How typical. You're shoving emotions away. Why? Because you think a scientific approach will make things better so you can cope. So you can rise above the problems, instead of facing them head-on.”

“This isn't about me. I may be a wuss, but at least I know I'm human. Alexander was fully human, and he may have had flaws, but fuck it, I loved them because they were  _ him _ . Maybe you're more carnal than humans, because you don't care about anything but the simple, fleshly things. See, you may have artificial intelligence, but not feelings and emotions. You're not 'superior’ or some relevant bull. You're just dumber, less complex.”

“But we get the job done because we don't complicate things.”

“Alexander was complex,” Thomas whispered. “And that's―”

“For Pete's sake, Thomas―”

“Don't fucking say my name.”

“Fine. But stop saying you love him. Maybe my flaw is that I can't feel emotion. Alexander had that flaw for a long time.”

“Right― but it was in his capacity to feel emotion. You― you're made by humans.”

“So are humans.”

“Technically, they're made by God. Or if you're an atheist; they're at least naturally occurring.”

The robot opened its mouth, and Thomas cut him off. “Look, I love him!”

“ _ Loved _ . You  _ loved _ him.”

“He's still― why am I even talking to you? Are you even going to leave?”

“Nope.”

“Then I will.”

“But I'll find you,” the robot grinned.

“Not where I'm going. Robots don't go to heaven.”

“Or hell.”

Thomas  _ left _ silently.


End file.
